0 Mastering Approach - Stephen Nash

Now, Schttrj, I'm a big fan of "rules of thumb"...so,
here's one for you:

Taking ACTION is the key to success in the dating game
Schttrj (in spite of how you may 'feel').

If you are a single guy, an action I suggest you take on
a daily basis is to approach women.

So, lets dig in now to a few techniques to use when beginning
that conversation with a woman.

Well, allow me to begin by admitting to you that I used to
treat approaching women sorta like an addict does his cocaine.

I did it ALL THE TIME...

It wasn't healthy at all, BUT I got really really good at it.

I live in New York, which is a very "walk-happy" city.  So,
everywhere you go, people are walking.  Gorgeous women pass
me each and every day.

I began to ask myself - why can't I meet them?

That was the question that began my journey with
approaching women...they were SO close, and yet - so far away.

Lets take a look at this skill first with a wide-angle
lens, and then we will zoom in on it in a few minutes.

The most important "big picture" thing to consider
about approaching a woman for the first time is:

CONTEXT.

Let's start with a simple definition, shall we?

con-text  (n. )

1. The part of a text or statement that surrounds a
particular word or passage and determines its meaning.

2. The circumstances in which an event occurs; a setting.

So, as you read this note, look around you and notice the
physical context.

You might be in a cafe, or your office, or your kitchen
table.

There is an environment which you are IN that is part of
your CONTEXT...

Still with me?

If there were someone else with you IN that setting - a
complete stranger, let's say - they would share that
context with you, wouldn't they?

To illustrate this a bit further, lets assume you walked
into a restaurant tonight and saw your sister (or another
close relative) seated at a table.

Would you have any trouble approaching her?

Of course not!

And why?  Because you have lots in common, have shared
experiences before, know the same people, used to live
together...

The CONTEXT between you is extensive, right?

Well, when approaching a total stranger - who just happens
to be incredibly beautiful and intimidating - don't forget
that you do already have something in common...your
(anyone?)...

CONTEXT

OK - I realize now that I've typed that in huge CAPS a
bunch, and I am not trying to scream at you Schttrj.

But, what I need you "to get" - before we can continue - is
that when you are in an environment with someone, you do
have something in common with which you can make an
approach - the context you currently share.

Anything within the context is valid:

The room/location/venue
The music/sound
The people around you
Anything you can see outside of the windows
The design/decor
The scents

Anything that you can both immediately "get" is within your
context.

OK - so the next time you are at a loss for what to
say...ask yourself:

What do she and I currently have in common ALREADY that
might make for an interesting approach?

From there, you can go into action.

Why do I harp on this?  Well, because as I used to be an
addict - I had a certain brand of cocaine...what was it you ask?

Routines!

I was addicted to the "what to say" element - I (and
others) would collect routines like they were baseball cards
Schttrj.

A number of years ago, I decided to throw out each and
every routine that I used and instead focused on going for
the results I wanted based on my real skill level rather
than any script.

I realized quickly that the most frightening scenarios to
face without these training wheels were at beginning a
conversation, and in escalating the interaction.

The beginning of a conversation, a social-point that I
call "ENGAGE", was my very first obstacle.

Remembering that I had done this successfully over 1000
times helped my confidence, but it still felt like a massive leap
of faith.

What would I say?
What would we talk about?
Would I fall flat on my face?

That's when I realized that I could relax into the context,
and use that as a means of establishing contact with her.

OK - now time for the zoom lens....what are some specific
ways of approaching women?

There are FOUR:

1) Direct
2) Indirect
3) Environmental/Situational
4) Casual

What I'd like to do here is to give you a couple of
examples for a few of these...and then send you out into the
world for some real-time experience.

First of all...the DIRECT approach (my favorite):

Direct is simple, and yet enormously challenging.

Fear of rejection is a palpable feeling - don't you agree?

Well, doing direct approaches is JUST the anesthetic...

Here is exactly what to say:

"I noticed you from across the
(cafe/restaurant/bookstore...wherever you are), and I had
to risk total embarrassment to meet you, my name is
Stephen".

That's it!

Now, how will she ALWAYS follow that up?

She will ALWAYS say (well, 99% of the time...):

"What did you notice?"

So, be prepared to tell her why you approached her then in
this manner.

And please don't say "because of your amazing eyes"...that
one's played more than Barry Manilow at an ex-hookers
convention (I have no idea what that means btw...).

It need be something more like:

"I couldn't help but notice your laughter a moment ago when
you were on the phone.  It's so infectious & joyous, that I
wanted to meet the person behind it"

or,

"Your sense of style is so totally together and smart - and
frankly, you should be complimented for it.  I guess I wanted
to dare risking meeting someone so socially aware"

See where I am going with those?  We will get into
complimenting a bit later on.  But, for now, something along
those lines will do.

Next, what about an environmental/situational opener?

Well, here's where our discussion on CONTEXT (I am addicted
to those caps aren't I!) comes in handy.

I was out with a client once, and we were at Barnes &
Noble.

B&N is a GREAT place to meet women btw.

I noticed a very cute girl looking at a rack of books, and
saw that in her vicinity was a book that I was actually
considering to buy for my niece's upcoming birthday.

So...perfect entree:

"You know, I was considering buying this book for my 13-yr
old niece, but as I read the book jacket, I realize it may be
totally inappropriate for her.  Since I've never been a female at
that age, I'm admittedly a bit lost.  Your thoughts?"

Presto...out of the CONTEXT, I weaved a meaningful question
and was in a conversation with her instantly.

Also, the question was legit - it was no routine, or
pre-scripted gimmick - so, the feeling of it was honest and
present.

I actually needed her input, and the content of the
question was clearly rooted in the context.

In other words, we were in a bookstore and I had a question
about a book...nice eh?

Did I get her number?

You betcha.

In the next 24 hours, do three approaches:

Do one direct approach
Do one environmental/situational approach
Do one wild card approach

By wild card, I mean for you to do anything you want...as
long as it is an approach.

So, it could be another direct approach, another e/s
approach, or you could just make something up and give it a
whirl.

Just be sure to do 3 in the next 24 hours, OK
Schttrj?

"Stephen, after the approach, what the heck do I say NEXT?"

If you're not thinking that question now, you will 24 hours
from now!

Last but not least, remember our old adage from "Project
Hollywood"...

"The only bad approach is the one not taken"

(gosh, sounds so pure and poetic doesn't it?)
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