0 Evolution of a Hottie Part I

Based on years of research, along with countless hours of
confusion, I feel, alas, as if I have at least begun to
understand the female psyche. (I stress the word "begun", OK?)

This letter focuses on the "hottie" mindset.  When "sarging",
or meeting women in bars & clubs, guys typically face this
profile A LOT.

The "hottie" type tends not to be open to a relationship, but is
rather at a less advanced stage of evolution (a more
advanced stage would be open to a relationship and
intimacy).

She is eager to be stimulated.

So, the man who can direct her attention and emotions in a
positive manner will get HER attention for the moment...but
this can be fleeting man...

So, without any further ado, I present "Evolution of a
Hottie" (with apologies to the cast of "Heathers").

BORN:  Baby, and "cute" - hopefully cared for and loved,
perhaps even slightly spoiled.  Nonetheless, everything
proceeds as normal - Gerbers, Teddy Bears, Cribs, Slobber,
Walking, Cute Clothes etc...

PLAYGROUND:  Other kids in the picture, so the "center of
attention" is now no longer. She is placed by the
supervisors in and around other girls.  She learns to
socialize a bit, how to "share", how to ask for what she
needs or wants, how to communicate.  She probably takes a
few bumps and bruises from the others (boys and girls),
but overall has a pretty good experience and "likes others".

FAMILY:  If she's a burgeoning "hottie" her family and
friends of family, are always telling her how "adorable"
she is, how "cute and lovely" she is - all of which is true.
She begins to feel that her appearance "matters", and that
it gets her that precious commodity, "attention"...this
continues, perhaps, for many years. 

SCHOOL - PHASE I:  Now the first brushes with "boys"
happens. She likely has her small group of friends, as the
mothers make a point to put them together before school
begins so that they have friends(it's the same for us boys).
She now senses the beginnings of female competition.
The girls compete for the cutest lunchbox, backpack, dress,
lipstick, blush...SHOES...it's all starting to happen just
like Mother Nature intended.

They begin to sense that the "boys" like the "cute" stuff,
and wear it more and more with that in mind.

They also begin to "gossip" about the other girls and boys.
They notice the slightest barbs of jealousy attached to the
"gossip" intended for their female friends.

They slowly increase their interest in the "cute stuff" as
it helps them better compete with the girls, while also
garnering much more of that precious commodity, "attention".

However, up to now, the "attention" is never attached to
"romance" or "sexuality", as that has yet to be awakened...
which leads us to Phase II....

SCHOOL - PHASE II:  Around the age of 9, 10 or so, girls
begin to change...puberty affects their hormones just as it
does with us boys. They now begin to feel a slight
"attraction" for the boys, sometimes before the precious
"attention" and sometimes after.

The competition now increases between the girls, to see who
can get the most "attention" from the boys. The "cute stuff"
also now expands to include slightly (or not) revealing
clothing, sexier makeup, more flashy handbags and shoes...
all worn to school in the middle grades, to impress the boys
but also to impress the girls.

The girls cattiness and gossip now increases as they must
struggle with their own social ladder in hopes of climbing
to the top.  By dragging one hottie down the ladder, the
self-hottie goes up the ladder.

They like stimulation, as it evokes the feminine need for a
flow of energy.  The young girls, subconsciously, begin to
seek this flow of energy - both in positive and negative
ways.

They purchase more "cute stuff" to attract a greater
flow of energy to them, and they also gossip in order to
climb to a higher rung where there is more attention, more
energy flow, more good feelings.  Perhaps her first kiss
happens here, or perhaps not - either way, social status
DOES depend somewhat on ones relationship to the phases of
sexual initiation:

    1) Kiss
    2) French Kiss
    3) Touch
    4) Sex

You might recognize these as the four "bases" (love, our
National Pastime).  Boys are the same, of course, bragging
about their exploits and rankings.  For girls though, it is
a quieter, more cunning art of bragging.

They can see that the boys make constant plays for their
attention and affection.  To be too "easy", would be bad for
the social ladder.

So, they learn to protect themselves by roaming in
packs, they play subtle games with boys: feigning interest,
pulling away, conjuring up tests, in order to see if he
"really likes me".

They realize now the all-powerful belief, my body is desired,
and can assist me to increase the "flow of energy" from the
outside world...let the games begin...

SCHOOL - PHASE III:  She gets her first boyfriend. He's been
carefully selected by "mother" and her "best friend". He
fits the mold, he is strong, he has direction, he is
socially very well adapted, he makes good grades, he is
going "somewhere".

He drives up in his convertible (which "dad" bought for him
last year), wearing something very conservative and trustworthy -
perhaps a letter jacket, or a v-neck sweater.

He greets "mother" with a white-smile, and she comments "We've
heard so many great things about you".  He answers with a
blush, and greets dad on the sofa who grumbles something
about "having her back by 10, young man". He politely obliges,
and opens the door for the two to leave.  She feels a rush of
excitement, to finally be alone with a boy.
 
They go to the local pizza parlor, and share a pie.

They have a wonderful conversation...she begins to feel
something different...he likes "me", they way he looks at
me, the way he smiles at me, the way he is so polite...he
likes "me".  They get in the car, as it is nearing "10pm",
and he takes her home - they kiss in the car - and she feels
that rush of emotion that she has so been craving...he's a
"gentleman" and walks her to the door, much to the delight
of "mother" and "dad".

She rushes to school the next day, and tells her friends
all that happened.  Some are happy for her, the others are
jealous.  Slowly rumors fill the air.  And as they move,
these rumors, vicious as they are, fall further and further
from the truth.

She feels her heart close, at mere mention of her behavior
in the halls. However, she likes the boy, as he does her.

They continue to date and, eventually have sex. Again, rumors
swirl. His accomplishment is her failure.

She quietly weeps inside.  He proudly walks with her through
the halls.  As much as she might not care to admit it, the
rumors hurt...

It doesn't work out.  He cheats on her. She is heart-broken.
Her friends capture her in the fall, but some quietly scorn
with embittered happiness.

The flow of energy in her heart has been abruptly quieted,
and then again filled with sadness.

She relishes more the attention from the other boys.  She
even goes to parties sometimes (as all "hot" girls are
invited to parties), she might even have a drink
or a snort.

This, of course, might lead to the occasional "encounter" -
as when drunk, her desire for connection is more freed and
less encumbered by her social personality the one that keeps
things "together".

Like her, her friends are also experimenting with both
bodies and substance.  They all grow thru the school-girl
phase together.

They go out with each other, they frequent clubs and bars
(where they meet the friendly-neighborhood-PUAs) - receiving
massive displays of affection, and larger still plays for their
attention - all from men they barely know.

None seem interested in their minds or personalities - but
are very interested in what lies from the neck down.  They learn
more social skills to protect themselves.

Secretly, they wish for an "honest man".  Instead of that
though they dress more flamboyantly, with more color and pizzazz
attracting the same in reverse.  These men turn out to be,
unfortunately, the men they secretly wish to avoid.

Yet, that is all they find.

Our dearest one even finds herself giving it all away, but
only on occasion.

Yet she loves the affection, and the faux-connection that the
nightlife brings.  It also satisfies another need - the one
that has been growing along with her body all these years -
that need for attention and stimulation.  Lights, men,
drinks, music all contribute to a huge flow of positive
emotion to her - so vital to her happiness and well-being.

But, why are there no good men?  She wonders...

This is the crossroads.  How does she, the hottie, reconcile
her need for attention and how her body & appearance
continually delivers that AND her innate human need for real
love and intimacy.  She must change - but does she?

There is a middle ground, but it requires more depth and
intelligence.

Often, I see pain (from broken relationships, or a
broken-heart) as the key to this new depth and intelligence.
She must learn ways to fend-off the losers, and attract the
real men.

But there is a price for this education.

Like men, the real power comes when she learns what she
really wants - not what her parents or culture demand for
her.  She (we) must begin to know herself in a new way.

For men, we constantly sneak glances at women, we fantasize
about having them sexually, we make subtle (or not) plays
for their affection.  But, as far as getting past our own
surfaces, we make little effort to - our desire at the
shallow end of the pool is for sex & validation only.

The "hottie's" might desire attention at the shallow end.
Thus the mating dance begins.  At the deepest point though,
we both want love.

For her, and for us, to attract someone whom we can trust
and develop with, we must head for the deep end.

On the way, you will have to acknowledge more of what you
really want, as opposed to what merely "looks good" to the
outside world.

We can have it all boys, but we gotta know what "it" is
first.  At the shallow end of the pool - we don't know much
but the splashy surface...

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