Credit to Ron and David:
Hey,
I understand that women want men who care,
who bond with them and make them feel
special, but I have seen a lot of women who
respect "bad boys" more than they do a guy
who is romantic.
In other words, the nice romantic guy does
all that work and the player plays with the
girl and ends up with her!!! I always see
this.
Craig
Dear Craig,
A bad boy is attractive to a woman because he
is exciting and unpredictable, and a wimp or
a typical nice guy is perfect all the time,
but is boring.
So, the real question is, how can you be an
exciting, passionate man without having to be
a jerk in the process? It means make things
exciting with a woman, not predictable.
Here's a section from our book, "How to
Succeed With Women," that will help you
understand this:
When you do something nice for a woman, you
are applying what behaviorists call
"reinforcement."
Intuitively, "bad boys" know all about this.
A "reinforcement" is a reward -- something
that feels good --that the subject gets for
performing a certain behavior or for having a
certain feeling.
For instance, giving a dog a treat when he
comes when you call him reinforces the
behavior of coming when you call. In time,
the dog will look forward to coming when you
call, because he knows that obeying you will
mean he'll get a reinforcement that he likes.
The thing to know is that if you give the dog
a treat every single time he comes when you
call, he'll start to get lazy. He'll figure,
"Eh, why should I hurry? I can get over there
in my own good time, and take the treat."
Constant reinforcement stops being effective
after a while.
You may have noticed this in your own
relationships. Have you ever had someone who
consistently goes out of his or her way to
make you feel special?
Suppose that one morning, out of the blue,
someone at your work place brought you a cup
of excellent coffee when you first sat down
at your desk. You'd probably feel pretty
special, and you'd be happy to see that
person later in the day.
You would have associated seeing that person
with the good feelings you got from the gift.
But now imagine if that person brought you
coffee every single day, like clockwork, and
never missed a day.
At first you'd probably appreciate it, then
you'd notice it less, then you'd hardly
notice it at all.
You might even start complaining when the
coffee wasn't exactly the way you liked it,
or get angry if he or she missed a day.
You'd naturally go from being delighted by
the constant gifts to seeing them as a
regular part of life, or even as something
you intrinsically deserve. This is a natural
reaction to constant, unvarying
reinforcement.
As you're about to see, this is why "bad
boys" succeed with women, and "nice
guys" do NOT.
If you constantly shower a woman with gifts
and attention, you run the risk of the same
thing happening.
If your attention to a woman is going to stay
effective, you must start giving it a little
more irregularly.
This is what behavior experts call a
"variable schedule of reinforcement."
You don't give her flowers every week, or
every date. You don't always have a little
gift for her. You don't always show up to
flirt with her at the same time, or on the
same day.
You vary your schedule of making her feel
extra-good, and thus keep the interaction
exciting and fresh for her.
Our student Tom puts a variable schedule of
reinforcement to good use: "When I first
start dating a woman, I go out of my way to
make her feel good a lot," he says. "But in
time, I know I can start scaling back.
"As long as I keep making her feel good
often, I get better results if I don't
reinforce her with special gifts or presents
every single time I see her."
The classic trap to watch out for is any
reinforcing behavior that begins to look like
a habit to you. Keep an eye open for things
you ALWAYS do to make her feel special. Don't
always bring her gifts, don't always visit
her work place once every three days. Vary
your schedule of reinforcement, and you'll
have a lot more success.
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