0 WHEN SHE SAYS, "I HAVE A BOYFRIEND"

WHEN SHE SAYS, "I HAVE A BOYFRIEND"


It's one of the most frustrating four-word phrases a woman can
utter.  Possibly even more so than, "Let's just be friends."

I'm speaking, of course, of the infamous line:  "I have a
boyfriend."

Most guys are used to thinking that the ONLY TIME you'll hear that
is when you've approached a woman and she wants to put an end to
the interaction as quickly as possible.

I mean let's face it, it's a blasted effective strategy, isn't it?

She knows that you're probably starting a conversation with her
because you're potentially interested at the romantic level, and
saying "I have a boyfriend" pretty much takes a fly swatter to
things FAST...leaving you speechless, by design. 

After all, most guys "take the hint" when they hear that...or at
least they SHOULD.

That's right, I said it.  

Whether she actually HAS a boyfriend or not is irrelevant, actually.  

Asking her whether she's telling the truth or not is about as awkward 
as it gets, and asking her "how serious" she and her boyfriend are 
is even MORE so.

But wait a second.  

There's actually ANOTHER time when you could possibly hear her say,
"I have a boyfriend."

That's some time AFTER you've struck a conversation with her.  It
could be five minutes or five DATES afterward.  

But make no mistake, if you hear the oft-dreaded phrase ANY TIME
AFTER she has appeared to reciprocate your interest in ANY WAY,
SHAPE OR FORM; you're looking at a VERY DIFFERENT scenario.

Simply put, the general rule goes like this.  

If you hear it AS SOON AS you express interest, it means "go away".

Clearly.

But if you hear it AFTER she has flirted with you back a bit, it
means "I'm CONFLICTED."

And it's that SECOND situation that I'd like to focus on here.

The first conclusion that you can make when you hear "I have a
boyfriend" after it looked like it was "game on" is that YES...she
indeed has a boyfriend.  She isn't playing games.

But what you've succeeded at doing--perhaps even in a very short
amount of time--is planting the SEED OF DOUBT in her regarding her
relationship with said boyfriend.

Things are probably not going well with him, and you've intrigued
her.

When you encounter such a situation, remember first that you HAVE
NOT DONE ANYTHING WRONG.

Ultimately, most couples break up, or else we'd all be married to
the first girl we ever dated back in junior high, right?  

So the fact that her current relationship is obviously up in the
air is NOT YOUR FAULT.

How you HANDLE the situation though, on the other hand, is
COMPLETELY in your court.

Your first impulse may be to tell her to "lose the zero and get
with the hero".

But using old Vanilla Ice lines has NEVER worked...even in 1991.

Or you may invite her to go out with you anyway, and what her
"boyfriend" won't know won't hurt him (you guess).

Beware such a strategy, however.  You DO NOT want to encourage (and
therefore validate) a cheater...ever.

Why?  Because YOU'LL BE NEXT, that's why.  Mark that.

If you really want to inspire confidence in a woman in this
situation, you do what sounds all but unthinkable--at least to the
novice.

You tell her that you're not into breaking up couples, but that you
and she can be FRIENDS for the time being...and if she ever breaks
up with her boyfriend, maybe the two of you can hang out.  But you
won't disrespect her boyfriend by making plans with her now.

What does this accomplish?

First of all, it shows you are NOT DESPERATE.  Last we checked,
that was still attractive.

Likewise, demonstrating CHARACTER has not only always separated the
men from the boys in situations like this, it has also always
separated the HIGH QUALITY WOMEN from those who are not so much.

(How's that for turning the tables on the whole idea of "tests"?)

The net-net of it is that if you play your cards right, you would
MUCH RATHER be YOU than her boyfriend when all of this is going
on...especially if you're thinking YOU'D like to be the one who
ultimately ends up with her.

After all, you know her current boyfriend is obviously not holding
up his end of the "Big Four" bargain.

So why level the proverbial playing field for him by compromising
yourself?

Be the man she wants.  Make the confident decision to be a man of
character.

In doing so, you're going to likely elicit that supernaturally
powerful thought in her:  "Oh wow...this just makes me like this guy
EVEN MORE."

Money.

Stay in touch with her casually and give things, oh...about a week or
two to sort themselves out.  

You won't need to help any, either.  She'll be thinking about YOU
instead of HIM nonstop.

Here are three final thoughts to remember.

First, if you finally hear "I have a boyfriend" as late as after a
date or two, you should have been able to see this coming by
exercising a bit of intuition.  

Women are not very good at hiding inner conflict.  Your Spidey 
Senses will tingle along the way, more than likely.

This can only mean that if you're BLIND SIDED by the announcement
after any relatively brief amount of time with her has passed, it
COULD mean YOU'VE BEEN REPLACED.  

Ouch.  That means you're suddenly no better off than if she had
uttered the "Fatal Phrase" moments after meeting her.

Second, none of what I've discussed here should be confused with
being manipulated into accepting preposterous situations involving
other guys because you're "Mr. Nice Guy". 

An example of this would be signing off on letting her hang out
with a "friend" who is coming to town all weekend and telling her
you trust her.  

That would mean the shoe is decidedly on the other foot, and that's 
NOT cool.

Third, "I have a HUSBAND" is a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ball game
altogether.  Run away.


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