0 Standards - A story about smoking!

I said a few weeks ago that the WORST
mistakes men make with women happen during
the very early stages of the relationship.

Relationships may fall apart from various
strains and challenges over time, but in most
cases the very best time to deal with those
challenges are when they FIRST come up right
at the very beginning.

Unfortunately, this is rarely done for a
simple reason.

When we first meet someone special, we really
do become 'blinded' by love in a sense.

All these crazy hormones affect our judgment,
and more importantly our ability to
rationalize away potential problems.

This is a fairly well understood biological
process, and if you think you're above it's
effects, then maybe you also think you can
breathe the air at 50,000 ft or survive for a
month without water.

When we are blinded by love, we naturally
overlook the shortcomings of our partners,
and more important, the shortcomings of the
relationship.

And THAT is a shame.

Women are INCREDIBLY flexible when they feel
safe with a strong and responsible man, and
relationships that are just forming are like
a blank page waiting to accept whatever you
can dream up and create.

On the other hand, any small problems that
form early on can magnify many times over as
the relationship evolves.

Something that seems insignificant in the
beginning can easily create a rift that will
go on to destroy an otherwise healthy
relationship.

Because of that, you owe to yourself, and to
her, to stomp out problems right away, before
they turn into resentment - resentment that
can destroy the relationship.

I'll give you a simple example.

Back when I was hanging out with all the
famous 'pickup artists' mentioned in Neil
Strauss' book "The Game", I spent a lot of
time meeting women in bars and clubs.

I also put way too much weight on how 'hot' a
woman was - to the extent that I lost sight
of some other more important standards I had
set for the women I date.

In my pursuit for more attractive, more
desired women, I ended up breaking my long
standing rule of never dating women who
smoked.

(By the way, if you're a smoker, that's cool
and we can still be friends.  As a non-
smoker, it just happens to be a turn-off for
me personally)

Anyway, I thought it would be interesting to
see if some of the old Zero Drama Dating bag
'o tricks could help make the situation work
out with some of these smokin' hotties who
happened to smoke.

I had recently had a short relationship with
a smoker, and formed a little story about my
experiences with her.

I never told this story to women when I first
met them, but I WOULD tell it to them first
time they smoked in front of me during a
date.

This story did a few important things:

It conveyed that I did not judge people who
smoked.

It also conveyed that I did not find smoking
attractive, and that I just wasn't able to
make dating a women who smoked around me
work.

Since it didn't work, I wouldn't put myself -
or a woman that was important to me - through
that situation again.

When I was done with the story, I looked the
woman in the eye and SINCERELY asked if she
would agree to NOT smoke during the time she
chose to be with me.

Like everything during that time of my life,
this whole thing seemed like just a fun
experiment...

...until the next time I met a truly  AMAZING
women, that is.

She was stunning and graceful.

Savagely intelligent... AND

You guessed it... a smoker.

We dated for a few months before she had to
move back to South Africa for her career, and
had a great time together.

I'll never forget the last thing she said to
me.

She said I was the ONLY man she had ever quit
smoking for.

She said that many men had tried to get her
to quit, and the more she tried the more she
had resisted.

She had no why she had stopped for me - but I
knew.

Those men had ACCEPTED her as a smoker when
they were blinded by love, but had then tried
to control her and change her behavior later.

I, on the other hand, did not try to change
her or control her when we were in a
relationship.

I had simply articulated my rules about
dating and relationships, and I had done it
BEFORE I was 'blinded by love'.

In fact, I had done it before we had even
kissed.

And I did it with respect, while emphasizing
that she had a choice to accept me the way I
am or not.

So when you meet an amazing woman, and things
are going well, and you start getting excited
that this could really be leading
somewhere...

STAY FOCUSED.

This is NOT the time to just relax and enjoy
the fruits of your labor.

No my friend...

This is the time to set the right foundation,
to make sure the relationship moves in a
direction where it can flourish.

And the BETTER things are, the more you
should look for opportunities to make it EVEN
better.

If I've learned anything from my experiences,
it's that things can always be better you
ever thought possible, and women WILL respond
to a strong man who has the best interests of
the relationship at heart.

After all, it's pretty easy to make a woman
happy when you simply CAN'T BELIEVE how good
you have it with her.

And when you're in that situation, you'll do
anything but take advantage of her.

You will cherish her, protect her, and find
new way ways to light her up.

And you'll be a better man then you ever
thought you could be.

Until then, prepare yourself, because when
you meet her, the time for learning the
basics will be over.

It will be time for you to act on what you
have learned about women, and to show her
that you can understand her and take care of
her better then she understands herself.

She's out there somewhere...

When you meet her, be ready.

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