0 Eye Contact

Question: I have a question about eye contact.

I teach adults, but previously I taught children and teenagers
so I'm used to being stared down by the naughty, cheeky or tough
kids in the class and I've no problem with that at all. In fact I
consider myself something of a stare - out champ!

Now, commonly accepted advice is that you should hold a woman's
eye until SHE looks away, especially the hotter chicks who like
to try and faze you, and again, I have no problem with that. But
it seems kinda weird, Just staring at some girl waiting for her
to break, especially as it can go on for quite some time. I want
to know when or how should I look away? Should I make some cheeky
comment? Also, won't the girls take my not breaking eye contact
as a signal that I'm into them? Or worse, won't they just think
I'm the creepy, weird, stary guy? I'm talking about girls that
I'm already interacting with, here, by the way! I'm not just
walking down the street trying to stare-out people!
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Answer: Whoa Man... First off, that was way more than one question.
You're a teacher, but where'd you learn to count!

I'm just teasing.

Actually, it's great that you can beat the cheeky kids in a stare
down competition.  It sounds like you've got a solid foundation
for eye contact which you should be proud of.  Most men don't
even have that, and they're still doing what I call the "please
don't catch me" quick look-away with some potentially interested
women.

You mention the common advice about holding her gaze until she
looks away.  And I'm glad you've been following this guideline.
It's such an important point, that I want to drive it home a
little more.

This is one of the most common mistakes when it comes to eye
contact with women.  And, it comes from a deep inner attitude.
So, if you want to wow her with your eyes, it's important that
you really internalize this one thing...

There's no such thing as "getting caught"!

Last time I checked, there was no law against looking at women.
There are no etiquette police coming to chase you down just for
finding a woman attractive and caring enough to take a look at
her.

In fact, it's just the opposite.  Strong eye contact displays the
confidence and power of a man who is comfortable going after what
he wants.

Strong eye contact can create huge results for you in every area
of your life - Not just with women.  You will make more money.
You will get better service. People will treat you better in
general.  And, yes... you will also drive women CRAZY!

We all know the importance of making good eye contact, but
there's no need to stress... because my FAVORITE thing about eye
contact is that you can practice it literally anywhere and with
anyone.

There are people all around you, so start practicing now.

I'm teaching you here some fundamentals that you can put into
practice right away.  So, let's be clear that you have NO excuse
for not practicing this and using it in the real world.  As soon
as you're done reading, go out and try it.

But, so far there's one thing that's been completely overlooked,
and I want you to get it.

You may be able to take the first step and keep eye contact
without flinching.  In fact, you may be able to hold your gaze
like laser beams, but if you miss this next point you still won't
be getting anywhere with women.

See, we're talking about women, flirting and dating so I've got
to be straight with you.  Please recognize that...

This is NOT a staring contest.

It's NOT a competition.

I know - As men, we like competitions and prizes and finishing
lines.  But, if you want to make it to the finishing line with a
hot woman, you're going to have to get out of the competition and
take on a new mindset here.  You may win the stare-off but a
shiny eye-contact-champion trophy won't mean much when you lose
the girl.

Let's take a different approach.  Let's consider that this may
actually be your chance to build a tremendous connection.  This
may be your chance to separate yourself from every other lame guy
who wants her attention.  Or maybe it's your chance to "open" a
conversation with her without any words at all.

What may seem like a frustrating or awkward obstacle can actually
be one of the most fun moments in meeting a new woman.

What I'm talking about is an attitude, so let's go back to your
question for a second and take a look at you're specific question
about "the hotter chicks who like to try and faze you"

Stop right there.  Huh?

Dude, she's not trying to faze you!  There's no eye-contact
trophy for the women either.  And, despite popular theories,
women do NOT go to bars just to shoot men down.

Sorry, but I have to call you out here.  See, I want you to have
FUN meeting women.  I don't want you to feel like you're going to
battle with an alien race.

What is she REALLY doing?  What does she REALLY want?

Well, first off, she feels attracted to men just as much (if not
more) than you feel attraction for women.  She's human and she's
physical and she wants a man.

She's trying to see if you're really the MAN who's got the BALLS
to actually approach her.  She's trying to see if you've got what
it takes to handle her. And you know what?  ...She wants the
answer to be YES.  She wants to find out that you do have
confidence and that you are that attractive man.

Women understand eye contact.  They're not reading this email
right now, they're out doing it.  They've been talking about it,
and practicing it, and observing it for nearly all their life.
They are more socially aware in general.

When women make eye contact with a man, they know exactly what
they're doing.  And, they're hoping that you will too.  So,
here's a little perspective that the women of the world would
want you to know...

She's not trying to FAZE you, she's giving you an invitation!

She's inviting you into what I call the "Real Conversation."
It's the conversation that happens underneath the surface and
underneath all the words. Learning to speak the language of this
Real Conversation is a lot like learning any language.  I can't
simply tell you in a few words and have you learn it all.  It
just doesn't happen overnight.

And, when I see you ask so many questions about what you should
or shouldn't do, I can tell one thing... you're still not
speaking the language.  In fact, you may even feel like a
foreigner in a foreign land when locking eyes with a hot woman.

Like I said, I can't just teach the entire language here in one
email.  But, I do want to give you a good place to start.  So,
here's something you can practice right away...

It may seem simple, but I assure you that this will have a huge
impact on the way you make eye contact with women.

In fact, it may seem stupidly simple, but here it is...

Breathe

That's right take a breath.  When you look into her eyes, most
men have absolutely NO awareness of their breath or if they're
even breathing at all.  Stop now and ask yourself - the last time
you made eye contact with a woman, were you breathing?

Chances are that you can't even remember.  You were probably
thinking about what to say or how to approach, or maybe you were
just thinking about how hot she was and how much you wish you
could tear her clothes off right there.

Well, Pay Attention!  Start noticing your breath. Start noticing
the rhythm of your breath and the rhythm of the eye contact.
Start feeling in your body what's going on.

Notice if you stop breathing, or if you take shallow breaths.
Notice it and start to breath deeper as if you're breathing in
her energy.

When you really nail this, you'll start to feel the sexual
tension build.  You'll feel it when it's right.  And NOW the Real
Conversation has begun.

So you're breathing and you're connecting, and you're feeling it
in your whole body... What do you say now?

As L-I-T-T-L-E as possible!

Continue to feel the rhythm and start to feel when the eye
contact naturally comes to an end.  It's not like a competition
where one person wins.  It has a rhythm to it that you can
discover for yourself.

Wow... I'm starting to feel it now just sitting here and writing
about it.  Maybe you can feel what that'd be like too.

It's so important that you start to learn how to create the Real
Conversation with a woman.  This one thing alone can save you
more time than I can even tell you.  So, go out and start doing
it today.  Find a woman, lock eyes, and Breathe!