0 Do You Have Bad Behaviors That Keep You From Succeeding With Women?

I'm going to talk to you about a very common
problem a lot of guys have today.

Did you know that a great many people learn
bad behaviors and develop bad beliefs as a
result of their experiences growing up?

In this particular circumstance, I am
referring to behaviors and beliefs that
involve social interaction with women,
and our own self-esteem.

Most of these beliefs and behaviors are
unconsciously learned by us and work
counter to our goals of success.
Things like:

    * I'm too old, ugly, or fat, no girl would want me
    * I get too nervous to talk to women
    * I'm afraid of rejection
    * Whenever I talk to a girl, I say dumb things
    * I don't know what to do to get a woman into bed

The list goes on.  But all of the above are
beliefs or behaviors that HINDER us from
getting what we want.

In order to have success, we must change how
we behave and think to a more positive direction.

But how are we supposed to do that?  It's easy
to SAY you have to change, but to actually do
it is FAR more difficult.

But it can be done.

A while back, I used to be PETRIFIED to approach
a woman I didn't know for the purpose of getting
her phone number for a date.

Ask any of my friends, they'll tell you --
I was a wreck!

I'd do anything to keep from approaching a
girl.  But eventually, I was able to break
through that barrier and readjust my behavior
so that it became FUN and EASY to meet women.

In my book, The Art of Approaching, I lay out
a "bootcamp" plan to help train men to overcome
their fear of approaching women (because let's
face it guys, if you don't approach a woman,
they're never going to talk to you.  That's
the sad truth).

This bootcamp was specifically designed to
help you retrain yourself to go from being
scared of approaching women, to being able
to do it whenever you want.  But when you
retrain yourself, you can't just learn new
behaviors and expect to change.

You have to UNLEARN what you had learned before.

But how do you unlearn a behavior?  Aren't
those things ingrained in your being?  The
answer to that is a big, fat...

NO!!!

Behaviors are just learned responses to certain
stimuli.  If you're afraid to meet beautiful
women, sometime in your life, you LEARNED
to associate fear with talking to a beautiful
woman.

One way you can change your behavior is by
adopting "Reciprocal Behaviors."

Reciprocal behaviors are reactions that compete
with each other. If a reciprocal reaction can be
evoked in a situation that usually elicits a
different response, the old reaction can be
weakened.

Learning occurs as the new response grows
stronger and the old response grows weaker.

For example:  Relaxation is reciprocal to
anxiety, assertiveness is reciprocal to
shyness, and positive thoughts are
contradictory to negative thoughts.

These reciprocal reactions will weaken their
less desirable counterparts only if they can
be evoked under conditions that would
normally elicit the old reactions.

For instance, let's say you go out and buy
an eBook or course on how to improve your love life.

You may read and approve of the book while
continuing to behave as you always have,
with no real change taking place.

A course or a book contains alternative sets of
reactions. If these reactions are not practiced
in contexts where they can compete with already
established reactions, those established reactions
will NOT be displaced.

In other words:  The real life application of
what has been learned will be lacking!

If you really want to change, you have to go
out INTO the field and apply the behaviors
that you want to instill within you.  To do
this, you must engage in situations where
the old feelings and behaviors spring up.

Change is a step process.  You must first figure
out what situation evokes what negative behavior
or feeling, then expose yourself to varying degrees
of that situation until you feel completely
comfortable with it.

Then, advance to the next level until it, too, has
been mastered and, finally, to the situation that
would normally evoke the most powerful negative
response.

For instance, let's say you can't ask a
woman for her phone number because you're
just too scared.

What you can do is start by simply making eye
contact with women you find attractive.

After you're comfortable with that, make eye
contact and smile.  After that, make eye contact,
smile, and say "Hi."  After that, ask them what
their name is.

After that, add in an opener you memorized.  Keep
adding in behaviors until you master being able
to get her phone number.

The systematic aspect of his desensitization
technique is critical to your success.

Sink-or-swim methods like "throwing you into the
flames" that most people abide by can be less
successful and much more stressful.

Moreover, sink-or-swim methods may make the
symptoms worse by re-enforcing your
negative beliefs.

However, it is not always practical for someone
to be desensitized by confronting real situations.

Real-life hierarchies can be inconvenient to
arrange and difficult to control. Fortunately,
it is not always necessary for you to confront
real situations in order to change your
behavior in these situations.

If you have a vivid imagination and respond to
images of a situation in the same way you
respond to the situation itself, it's possible
for you to re-educate yourself at home or in
the office.

It is still important, though, that you not
imagine situations that are too intense!  To
do so would risk eliciting and reinforcing the
old reactions instead of practicing the new ones.

Instead, a hierarchy of imaginary situations
must be developed so that the you can
effectively evoke the beneficial reactions at each
level.

So in the example above, you imagine making
eye contact with ten women with positive
responses, then imagine making eye
contact and smiling, etc.

What these exercises do is level the playing
field.  They give you Tabula Rasa (Latin for
"blank slate") from which you can create
your own behavior and responses.

It's a long, hard task to undertake, but if
you can do it, it can be very rewarding.



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