0 Bring Out The WILD (And Wet) Side In A Woman

Credit to Simon Heong:

A few weeks ago I received an excellent question regarding the
now famous (or rather, infamous) Girls Gone Wild videos. This
doer wanted to know exactly why women behave that way, and if
there was anything to learn from it.

Is there anything to learn from watching these videos? Oh my,
yes there is--and it is very useful, not just for attracting
women, but for understanding how people behave in general.

First off, understand that people (not just women) will do
ANYTHING to get on TV. Why? Simply because it makes them
feel important. While this goes all the way back to Carnegie's
"How to Win Friends and Influence People," don't discount the
power of people's desire to feel important.

When Jerry Springer was running at full throttle, there was a
mild controversy that the show participants were hired actors.
In some ways I wish that were true, but it's not--all you need
to do get people to act like idiots is to invite them to share
their stories on national TV and you will get stories not
even the best screenwriter could dream up. And these people
are eager to share their stories so they can say for the rest
of their lives that they were "on TV" and their friends were not.

This is one reason why "girls go wild" on those videos--to make
themselves feel important in front of their friends. The
lesson here is, if you can make someone feel important, they
will want to spend time with you, and will do all kinds of
things to keep that feeling.

Here's another reason why "girls go wild." If you watch,
there's usually one or two "bad girls" who start the whole
thing, and then the more restrained ones join in, even though
they'd never start it. Why? Social proof--"because everyone
else is doing it, I should do it."

Social proof is an extremely powerful tool of influence -- it's
why the networks use laugh tracks on sitcoms.

Because the audience is laughing, you feel like you should be,
even if the show is dumb. Although it sounds like it shouldn't,
and we've all been cautioned against it, social proof is (and
will always be) a powerful tool for influence.

Here's one more reason girls "go wild" and it has to do with
what I refer to as "the frame." The frame is simply the set of
rules governing the interaction.

You can take these same set of women, and put them in an office
environment, with consequences for mis-behavior and they will
not "go wild." But put them on Spring Break or the beach (in
other words, change the frame) and they will "go wild."

It's simply a matter of changing the frame.

It's why the severely dressed attorney who wears birth control
glasses and puts her hair up in a bun at the office, dresses
in tight, skimpy clothes with lots of cleavage, and lets her
hair down when she goes out on Saturday night.

The frame is changed, and so is her behavior.

She'll do things in that environment that she'd never do in her
office.

The thing to keep in mind is this: if a woman is not behaving
the way you like, you need to change the frame, the set of
rules governing the interaction.

She may not "go wild," (or she might) but she will change
her behavior.

Oh yeah, and stay off National TV unless you have a good reason
to be there... that stuff sticks around forever, now.

-------------------
AS TO WHY MEN FAIL
-------------------

Well, human nature is incredibly fascinating to me, and I am in
a unique position to observe it. There are a lot of guys on our
newsletters all part of one big ass family, and it is always an
interesting exercise to see the different reactions of people
to the exact same email, or the exact same information.

This, of course, has to do with what's called "map or model of
the world" -- everyone gets the same input, but the reaction
(output) is different.

Why?

Because how the individual views the world governs response to
behavior. Your map or model of the world determines your
outcomes in life.

Luckily, if you're not getting the results you want, you can
simply change your map or model and the results will follow.

I want to talk about what I call "failure maps."

Every now and then my assistant Jennifer forwards me an email
from a guy who should be attractive to women saying, "it didn't
work for him." And then she forwards me several emails with
exciting success stories from guys, who by any stretch of the
imagination have a lot to overcome (looks, weight, age, etc.)

What's the difference between the guy "it didn't work for"
and the guy with the success story who had a heck of a lot
more to overcome?

It's not the information because they both got the same product
and receive the same emails. In other words, same input,
different output.

The difference lies in their respective maps.

One guy's map is oriented towards success, the other guy's
toward failure.

The successful guy asks, "how can I make this work for me?"

The guy who failed says, "it won't work for me, because..."

One guy takes responsibility for his outcomes, the other has
already decided the information (and not him) is to blame.

One very interesting thing I have noticed is, the "it won't
work because..." guys send in their email very soon (usually 2
days) after they've gotten the materials.

The success stories usually come in several weeks later.

Why?

Because most of the guys who succeed, fail at first ... but they
ask themselves "how can I make it work for me?" and go out and
test a slightly different approach predicated on the information
they got from me -- their map dictates they do so.

If you look at the "it won't work for because..." guys, you'll
see this carries over into other areas of their life.

If someone tells them about a new fitness routine they say,
"this won't work for me because..." If someone tells them about
starting a business they say, "it won't work for me because..."

If someone tells them they can make money investing in real
estate they say, "it won't work for me because..."

This is a failure map, and if you hear your brain telling you
this, you immediately need to interrupt this pattern with,
"no, the right question is, how can I make this work for me?"

How do I know this?

Because I used to have a bout with "it won't work for me
because..." demon.

But, the instant I switched the question to, "how can I make
this work?" my results started changing. This slight
"re-mapping" process has allowed me to experience some major
successes the old "it won't work because..." never would have.

Oh, it still crops up, but as soon as I remap the process, I
usually do find a way to make it work for me, and the truth
is, it is usually much easier than I thought it would be.

So, if you're not currently getting the results you want to,
have a look at your internal map, and pay attention to what
your brain is telling you. Replace any "I can'ts..." or "it
won'ts" with "how can I?" and you will be amazed at your
external results. I sure was!

Which leads to my next question for you...

--------------------------------------
HOW IMPORTANT ARE WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE?
--------------------------------------

... Or put another way, do you really need women in your life?

It's funny -- I'll get an email that says, "if I could only get
this one special girl, my life would be perfect," then the next
one says, "all women are dogs, and you're better off without
them."

Obviously, these are both extremes, but it does bring up the
question, how important are women in your life?

My view?

Well, while there are certainly different strokes for different
folks, I'll submit that having women in your life on your terms
is extremely important to your success and overall well-being.

The man who knows he can attract women, the man who women flock
to, has a much healthier self image than the man who says, "I
don't need them" but secretly wants one anyways.

If you know how to create attraction with women, things just go
much better. You're not worried about women cheating on you,
you're not worried about meeting them, and you don't have any
difficulty in your day to day interactions with them.

The man who says he doesn't "want or need them" is referring, of
course, to the results of attraction gone bad, not to women
themselves (even though he may delude himself into thinking
that's the case).

Now, the man who hangs his hat on "one special woman" is in
just as bad shape because he thinks that being with "the woman
of his dreams" is going to bring him emotional fulfillment.

Not true at all -- that only comes from within, from have a healthy
self image, from expecting to be successful with women.

It is important to recognize that women DO play a very important
role in men's lives, but equally important to realize that you
CAN and choose what that role is for yourself.

Mastering the art and science of attraction is what allows you
to choose that role, and experience all the wonderful things
there are to experience with women.

---------------------------------------------------------
AS FOR THOSE WHO ARE THINKING OF GETTING INTO PERMANENT
RELATIONSHIPS
---------------------------------------------------------

For some reason, society teaches us from day one that the way to
everlasting fulfillment is to find that one special person ("the
one"), let the sparks fly, and then live happily ever after.

Doesn't quite work that way, does it? In fact, the only thing
really true about that statement is the "sparks flying." Most
people do meet someone, and the sparks do fly.

But "sparks flying" has little to do with the success of a long
term relationship. Unfortunately, many people make a "complex
equivalence" between the two, thinking that sparks flying =
successful long term relationship

So, what do they do?

Declare themselves in a "permanent relationship" with each other,
believing that indeed, they will live happily ever after and it
will only get better and better and better.

After a few months, of course, the "cocaine high" of attraction
wears off, and they are left with the reality of daily existence
with each other, which for some strange reason, is not as
hunky-dory as they thought it would be.

There's a reason why there's so many divorce lawyers in this
country.

After the "reality of daily existence" sets in, the relationship
either crumbles, with both parties accusing the other of
"changing" and what each once thought was love, now turns to
bitterness.

But here's the real funny thing: if you ask each of them what
they'd like to have happen they say they "want to meet someone
for a long term relationship."

And then they repeat the whole charade, getting into another
"permanent relationship" the next time the "sparks fly." They
say they're looking for "the one," but all they really find is
"the next one," in a downward spiral of misery and failed
relationships.

Am I against long term permanent relationships?

No, not at all.

What I am against is people making decisions to get into one based
on feeling attraction, chemistry, "sparks flying," or my all time
favorite, "clicking." (I've always said that "clicking" is the
sound you hear just before the gun goes off).

Attraction is a prerequisite for long term relationships, but has
little to do with the success of them.

Why?

Because attraction wears off quickly.

And when it's gone, what you're left with is what makes a long
term relationship successful--how compatible you are with the other
person in lifestyle preferences, conflict resolution, mutual
goals, and a shared outlook on life.

Most of these things are too boring to think about when two
people declare themselves "in love," but they discover all
too quickly that "love" takes a backseat to these things on
a daily basis.

What's the solution to avoiding a mess like this?

Making decisions with your head, not your heart. If sparks
are flying, and you're feeling attraction, then you should
enjoy the attraction as long as it lasts, recognizing that,
unless you're a Martian, it's going to wear off.

But you must resist the urge to declare the relationship
permanent, unless you are BOTH making the decision to do
so based on reality, not what "should be."

Ask yourself this question: "If I felt no attraction for this
woman whatsoever, could I still live with her, and enjoy her
company on a day to day basis, and get the fulfillment I desire
from my relationship with her? Why?"

Then list the reasons.

If the answer is still "yes," then you're making a decision to get
into a relationship with her based on your head, not your heart.
And when you mix attraction back into the question, then you can
experience something really wonderful.

But keep in mind, attraction and love have nothing to do with
each other--one is transient, the other permanent.

What if the answer to this question is "no?" Should you
immediately dump her? No, not at all--you can still enjoy each
other's company on a long term basis, either as friends,
adventure partners, etc.

In this way you get to enjoy and maintain the attraction
without the daily realities that kill many relationships.

You can also enjoy spending time with other women who meet your
needs in different ways. Then, when the time is right for you,
you can CHOOSE to get into a permanent relationship that has
a real chance for long term success.

But when it comes to "love," be sure to lead with your head,
NOT your heart.

Attraction comes from the heart, love comes from the head --
it's a dang shame society has those two confused.

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