Most people think only of "sex" when they hear the word "sexual" or “sexuality”. What most of us don't get is that sexuality is broader than sexual intercourse, and to be sexual means more than engage in a sexual activity. Our sexuality is a continuum of self-disclosure of who we are as females or males. It concerns how we feel about ourselves as well as our sexual beliefs and behaviour, our values and emotions, where and how we focus, express and use our in-born God-given raw sexual energy.
Our raw SEXUAL OR EROTIC ENERGY is that creative rhythmic flow that sings and dances throughout our being; arms, legs, hips, chest, breasts, and even eyes. It permeates each little bit of your body and soul and makes you quiver with sensation and anticipation. This energy is about creativity, sociability, emotional life and sexuality. It is a profound source of joy and pleasure which is nurturing, healing and bonding. It is the centre from which one reaches out, expands and relates to others.
Many religions consider sexual or erotic energy "sinful" and some cultures regard it as a "lower"' or "primitive" state. This kind of thinking and attitude creates a blocking of this energy and deprives many of the knowledge and wisdom that comes from a full understanding of the power of our sexual energy. It denies our minds, bodies and spirits the sensuality of being alive, sexually magnetic, healthy, vital, mysterious, joyous and fulfilled. It makes many feel depressed and sexually unconfident about themselves. It reduces humans to sexual DO -ings, limits passion and connection in sexual love and has a way of draining the passion, love and life out of those whom we have a sexual relationship with.
On the other hand, when the energy in this area is balanced, we see our selves as sexual BE-ings; Our thoughts, emotions, intentions, dreams, hopes and actions are infused with purpose, meaning, passion, sensuality, desire, vitality and life. We become highly sensitive to the flow of erotic energy in our body, and as a result become better lovers. This is good not only for our sexual partners, but our personal confidence too.
SEXUAL SELF CONFIDENCE is knowing that we've reached a level of psycho-sexual development where we feel desirous and desirable in and of ourselves without the desire for anything else outside of ourselves. It is when we know that there is a unique and valuable part of us which we can't wait to unlimitedly and unconditionally offer to someone of the opposite sex. It could be thought of as a sort of higher level of self esteem.
You can do all of the *right* things like improve your outer appearance, work on your communication skills, learn a few dating tricks, be romantic, sensitive and spend thousands of dollars on dating sites or speed dating, but if your sexual self confidence is low or not there, the opposite sex will sense it and, in turn, will perceive you as lacking MASCULINE OR FEMININE "VALUE". Something about you will make them see you as a time waster, a friend, someone to be exploited, a business contact or even a casual lover but not as a potential long-term lover, sexual partner and life companion.
SEXUAL SELF CONFIDENCE is the blueprint of how we interact with the opposite sex, who we are attracted to, what we will try and who or what we will avoid. Our level of sexual self confidence also influences everything we think, feel, say or do and affects everything and everyone who comes in contact with us. It influences the way we stand, how we walk on the street, how we talk to customer services people, how we respond to stress and how we go about everyday things - it even influences how we pursue success and what kind of success we chose to pursue.
When you have high confidence in yourself as a sexual male or sexual female you become MAGNETIC to the opposite sex. You project a magnetic sexual state because you're not distracted by a judge-mental attitude, inhibitions, neediness, insecurities, anger, long-simmering resentments, emotional wounds, memories of painful humiliations, confusions, jealousies, fears of inadequacy, rejection or failure, distrust, control and conflict, self-doubt, confusion and shame. You can more usefully direct your sexual urges, energy and activities to amplifying one little spark of interest into an emotional connection and lasting bond.
When you have high confidence in yourself as a sexual male or sexual female you embody a self-assured relaxed sensuous state and are more able to expressively use the body as an intelligent communicator of ideas, emotions, sexual interest and desire. You are more capable of figuring out how to get more of what you want out of life and operate in ways that help others get what they want. You take risks when appropriate, are decisive when necessary, ask for what you want and voice your opinion knowing that it will be highly valued by the other.
When you have a healthy doze of sexual confidence, you love sex and are capable of pleasing your sexual partner and making love for longer periods of time because you know that you have sexual "value" that your sexual partner will appreciate. The intensity of your true erotic yearnings, feelings, desires, and impulses draw out the best in your sexual partner. Both of you feel energized, strong, sensual and you age better and more gracefully.
The higher your sexual self confidence the stronger your SEXUAL AURA or EROTIC PRESENCE. When your sexual presence or aura is strong you have no need to constantly aspire to be "sexy" , act "sexy" or dress "sexy" because YOU JUST ARE - and it shimmers in and by itself. Around some intensely sexually magnetic people you can almost feel electric sparks.
When the opposite sex senses that you are really cool with yourself like that, they will find themselves irresistibly drawn to you, and most times they don't even know why...
Sadly, however, most men and women walk around in a sexual coma, resigned to the idea that nothing can be done. In other words, most men and women have forgotten or do not know what it’s like to be a SEXUAL BEING.
Let me put it down like this, the difference between a SEXUAL BEING and a SEXUAL DOING is like the difference between being a pampered passenger in a Porsche with an expert driver at the wheel and slogging along a bumpy road in a really old Volkswagen with a bubbly driver who will neither ask for nor accept the directions he or she badly needs.
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of e-Books: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness, Breaking A Bad Relationships Pattern, and Playing Hard-To-Get The Love Way. |
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