0 ATTRACTION is SEXUAL TENSION

Is your tension good or bad?

Attraction is tension.

This might seem simplistic, or may even sound foolish, but
you'd be surprised. I promise that understanding this will
forever change how you interact with women.

Don't waste time thinking that what women SAY they want, and
what they actually respond to are the same thing. Attraction
isn't about her rules, her expectations, or what she thinks
she wants, needs, or deserves. Too many women end up with
jerk-hole boyfriends for me to continue to believe such
nonsense.

If you want to give a woman butterflies, just like you'd feel
when you're about to jump out of a plane, or moments before
you give a big speech, then you must understand that
attraction IS tension.

Without tension, there can be no attraction.

What is this tension we feel when we're attracted to a woman?

Tension is defined by the space between where you are (e.g.,
meeting a woman for the first time) and where you want to be
(e.g., in bed with her).

This "electrified" space between reality and fantasy is tension.
Tension is the necessary corollary of attraction.

This is why you don't want what you already have: the space
between wanting it and having it is gone and tension is lost.

On the other hand, wanting what you have no hope of getting
also makes for negligible tension. If a woman is super hot
but unattainable, there can be very little tension created
between you.

Most men are attracted to a woman based entirely on how she
looks. Be careful here: if you're driven to date women simply
because they're beautiful, you will discover that attraction
based simply on looks doesn't last, because the tension
between you cannot be maintained

You might be wondering "I've always hated tension because
it feels awful, so won't it make her feel awful too?"

The reality is that tension isn't necessarily good or bad;
tension is just a feeling we feel. It's how we interpret our
tension that makes it good or bad. If you anticipate something
good happening, then your brain will label your tension as
good.

If you anticipate something terrible, then your brain will
label your tension bad and seek to diminish it.

Creating tension is a fine balance of keeping up a sense of
mystery and unpredictability about yourself, as well as
maintaining your personal boundaries, while ensuring that
your girl does not interpret the tension she feels as a
warning sign of possible danger.

This is what flirting is about. Teasing her, confusing her,
pulling her in with jokes and stories, and pushing her away
by teasing her and with playful banter. It's your job to
create a tone of comfort while being unpredictably playful.

This creates tension. This creates attraction.

Just as a comedian learns to build tension leading up to
a punch-line you must learn to build tension when leading
a girl into your life.

ATTRACTION IS APPLIED RESISTANCE

Tension is created when a force is applied; that force is
resistance. If you give your date exactly what she wants,
all of the time, you are effectively killing her attraction
for you.

Women are not attracted to "nice guys" because nice guys
actively try to rid themselves of tension by endlessly
agreeing and apologizing. What nice guys don't realize is
that attraction is tension.

The attraction that a woman feels for you is her emotional
anticipation of who you are and how she expects you'll
make her feel.

Attraction is an emotion, and is therefore, generally-speaking,
out of our conscious control. Just as we have instincts to
Fight or Flight, we have instincts to Fuck or Chuck. If you
understand that a woman's attraction to you is based on a kind
of instinctual feeling, you'll be 99% further ahead than
most other men.

Your job is to build a woman's interest and anticipation
by letting her know how fun, honest, sincere, intelligent
and caring you are, while also giving her some resistance
to gaining full access to you.

This resistance is the tension she'll enjoy, and the basis
for her growing attraction to you.

If there is no resistance, either because you're
unavailable (married, gay, uninterested) or because you're
overly available, (nice, transparent guy with no
boundaries) then any attraction she may have felt for
you simply dies off.

BUILDING TENSION

We don't want what we have; we want what's just out of reach.

Give a girl what she wants, without resistance, and you'll
extinguish her attraction. If you tease a woman by
interchangeably giving and withholding, you build tension
and attraction.

Relationships often fail when those in the relationship get
exactly what they want when they want it. Give a woman
perfect certainty and her desire will fade; give a woman
hope and uncertainty and she'll want you forever.

Let's look at a pick-up line that doesn't work because it
doesn't create tension.

Wow, you have the most amazing eyes I've ever seen... wow,
you're so beautiful. Can I buy you a drink!?

Why don't beautiful women respond to compliments? Because
you're not the first guy to notice she has beautiful eyes,
or amazing hair, or great legs. The fact that you think
you're the first guy to compliment her will communicate
to her that you're just like every other arrogant,
hotheaded guy.

When you drown a woman in compliments and put her on a
pedestal, you're displaying low personal value.

Beautiful women desire resistance from men but rarely
get it.

How about using the following twist on an otherwise
unsurprising compliment:

Wow you have beautiful eyes... except for the left one.
(*wink*)

If you can make a woman laugh, she will link her pleasure
with your company. Pull her in with humor, but push her
away a little too.

Wow, you are so beautiful! You'll make all the other
women jealous.

Teasing like this communicates to a woman that she's
desired, but can't use your vulnerability to walk all
over you.

It's this combination of pushing her away and pulling her
in that creates tension and tension is the core of what
builds and maintains attraction. Tension-creation in the
context of dating is the game of seduction.

TENSION DOS AND DON'TS

Here is a list of things to remember to build good
tension with a woman:

- Don't laugh too much. Uncomfortable laughter is our body's
way of releasing tension. This might be a good thing if
you're trying to avoid getting punched in the face right
before a bar fight, but it will not go far when trying to
seduce a woman. Don't be that guy who laughs at his own
jokes, or who laughs more than everyone else. Learn to
accept and appreciate the added tension that not laughing
wildly or inappropriately brings.

- Talk slower. When we're nervous we unconsciously start
to talk too quickly. Some people even stutter. Take a deep
breath and simply allow the tension to exist without you
needing to reduce it. If you talk nice and slow, women will
perceive you as a calm, cool guy, rather than a nervous
wreck who she can write off.

- Don't fidget, rock, or bite your nails. We all have
nervous habits, which help us to control the tension in
our bodies. If you want to lessen the tension of a situation
learn to breathe deeply and control your own behaviors.
Meditation is a great tool for developing the skill for
calming your own nerves. Calm your body using meditative
techniques, not by relying on off-putting nervous ticks.

- Don't apologize for everything. Apologizing too much
communicates to a woman that you're insecure and require
her constant approval and/or forgiveness. Women don't
want emotionally needy men: learn to control and deal
with your own insecurities.

- Don't lie. Sometimes we feel that the truth will create
too much tension, but the reality is that unexpected
honesty creates the best kind of tension.

- Don't hide yourself. Sometimes we become intimidated by
those around us, and in an unconscious effort to avoid
conflict and tension, we shrink ourselves. Instead of
hiding yourself, build your courage and express yourself.
Take up space. When sitting with friends, let your arms
and legs fill your personal space. Take up room. Make
your person matter.

- Don't frown or sneer. If you like what you see then
smile; it's friendly and nice. The guy who doesn't smile
is creepy and unfriendly.

- Speak clearly and with authority. If she has to say "what?"
because she didn't hear what you said, then you're letting
tension slip away. Speak clearly. For full effect, shift
from loud to soft depending on the story, but always make
sure you are heard. This will force her to sometimes listen
more carefully. Changing between louder and softer tones
will help build a woman's interest and attraction by
requiring her to interchangeably focus when you speak
more softly, and relax when you speak more loudly.

- Hold strong eye contact, at first. When we're nervous,
we unintentionally break eye contact. Don't do this when
you first interact with her. It's okay to look around
casually, but be sure to keep strong eye contact whenever
suitable. It communicates that you are confident.

- When we focus our attention on a woman without breaking
eye contact it has the potential of making her feel
uncomfortable. It's more useful to give her your total
attention in short spurts, so that she can experience
the pleasure of your undivided attention, but also the
pleasure of its release. This is another instance of
keeping it fun by creating a rhythm of push and pull.

- Be calm and composed. Don't react emotionally to any
nervousness she may be displaying. By remaining calm and
smiling comfortably you'll inspire her to relax and to
feel calm as well. It's an unconscious way of leading her:
if you smile, she'll smile; if you're calm, she'll feel
calm. She might be high strung, and the more into you she
becomes the more she'll become bouncy, high energy, and
nervous. When you're composed, it'll communicate that she
doesn't make you nervous. This will help lead her to believe
that you're confidant and of high value.

- Keep strong, positive and confident body language. When
you move slowly it will indicate that you're composed and
confident. This helps her to relax and shows her you are
confident despite the tension of the situation. Pay
attention to how you stand, sit, and generally move. When
you're nervous, it will show, and you will transfer your
nervousness onto her.

You want to line up ALL of your communication.

Your body language, voice tone, words, etc.

All of the different specific body language, voice tone,
and gestures that I recommend in my programs have a single
goal in mind: To help you be 100% CONGRUENT when you are
communicating with women.

There are ways to use "mixed messages" that can create
attraction, but make sure you're doing it INTENTIONALLY
when you do!

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